MUST READ: Moving Forward for Father's Day

6/14/2012

"Fathers, like mothers, are not born. Men grow into fathers and fathering is a very important stage in their development."
~ David Gottesman

Have you ever been so hurt by your father that you thought you would never recover? Are you a dad whom has hurt your child? I'm not talking about a physical hurt; but a deep emotional hurt? I'm struggling right now just to express how I feel about daughters and their fathers. Before you decide to turn me off and think that you know where I'm going; open your mind and go with me.

Since 2010, I've been working closely with an organization that challenges young ladies; many from public housing, to be the best that they can be regardless of their zip codes and the circumstances of their birth. The majority of these young ladies are from single parent homes; where the father or a significant father figure is not present. A few of these young ladies; in many cases, are angry, disrespectful, and sometimes rude. I can't help to wonder why. It can't all be because of their surroundings. Can it? Why is there so much anger and deeply rooted self loathing.

These young ladies go through hours of training leading up to the show; "the debutant ball". So her big day is close and she need a Senior escort. Something is wrong, very wrong when she can't find a reliable adult male to escort her and present her to society. Help me Lord, this makes me want to cuss. Where are the men in these young ladies lives?? Volunteers, uncles, brothers, grandfathers...but where is YOUR daddy??

 "Fathers, be good to your daughters. You are the god and the weight of her world."
~ John Mayor

 I'm convinced that it's because they are missing the love and protection of a father.  Unconditional love and protection of a father is what molds a baby girl into a self confident, fearless woman of God, and keeps the scum away. Trust me, this is not a black or white issue; it's an accountability issue. Even though my parents were never married, I saw my father every day. He took the time to make sure that he was available to me everyday. I had the freedom to call him at work, and even catch the city bus to see him at work. He taught me to drive, taught me about boys, and made me to feel like a princess. He was not perfect; he had many flaws. Yes, dads you can be involved with your daughters AND respect their mothers.

"A truly rich man is one whose children run into his arms when his hands are empty. "
~ Unknown

Being a good dad does not cost much. All it take is time. Regardless of the circumstances of your daughters birth, you owe it to her to give her some time. Start from the cradle; because once she is in her pre-teen years it will be much harder. Have you ever tried to break the shell of resentment, hurt, and low self esteem of a teenager? Ask my daughter and her sister. Unless God steps in, a relationship with their dad if DONE! What does it cost really. One phone call a week, One birthday card a year, Seven words of affirmation (I'm proud of you, I love you), and genuine concern.  That's all it cost.

"Why are men reluctant to become fathers? They aren't through being children."
~ Cindy Garner

Why are there so many daughters without father's?  It's not only because girls/women are not protecting themselves; but because the boys have not grown up yet. We give them our bodies without the thought of producing a child. I tell my son, think beyond the moment. Nine minutes of pleasure is not worth 9 months of pain and 9 generations of deep rooted strongholds. When a father holds a game controller more than he holds his child, something is very wrong.

 "It no longer bothers me that I may be constantly searching for father figures; by this time, I have found several and dearly enjoyed knowing them all."
~ Alice Walker

 There a many strong women in this world whom are trying to be both father and mother to their daughters. I stand and applaud you. Sister, God called you to be a mother; not a father. No matter how WE try to play both roles, we just can't do it. Single moms raise well rounded Godly children who go on to do great things. I've been an independent parent for 18 years to two children. I must give the credit to God because my children have not missed a single thing; except their father. But praise God for the men that God called  into our lives. There are good Godly fathers in this world to help you with your daughters. But women, don't make it about you and don't try to take advantage of them. If you daughters father is trying to be in her life, please let him be there. It's not about you.  One thing I never did was make it about me. Once I'm done with a man, I'm done. You only get 1 chance to hurt me. Enough about that. 

It's time we move forward. If you want your dad in your life, tell him " Dude, I don't want your money, I just want your time." "Mr., we have lost valuable years, let get together. "The past is in the past, can we make a better future?" What ever it takes, somebody has to start. Somebody has to take the first step.

Take the First Step and Move Forward This Year

Shout out to the following men for Father's Day 2012

• Hugh: You were sent by God. Thank your for all of the camping trips, teaching Galon about cars and the countless over nights. Thank you for taking Lexi on dates and giving her the attention a daughter deserves. Thank you for giving us Brandon and Chris. You are irreplaceable. No wonder we all look alike. Thank you for listening to me without judgement. Thank for being there when I had my biopsy. Thank you for driving to Knoxville with us to move Galon into his dorm. Thank you for filling in the gaps.
• Uncle Charles: You have been at every party, remembered every birthday and celebrated every single accomplishment of Alexis. Thank you for the Prom.  Thank you for calling every week to talk to the children and making sure that they want for nothing. 
• Cameron: Thank you for teaching Galon to ride a bike and for conditioning him for the Century marathon. Thank you for riding with him and for buying him the bicycle and all of the gear. Thank for you for the "worldly" advice you give him from a man's perspective. Thank you for being his best friend and handling the sensitive things of manhood. Thank you for the Thursday lunches you took Alexis on. Thank you for allowing Galon to be your Assistant Cub Master
• Jeff : Thank you for these later years. You are the ear and voice of reason for Alexis. Thank you for "Club Wilson". Lexi and I enjoy the time we spend there. You should go out of town more often. The day you guys spent at the music store meant more to her than you think. Thank you for teaching her to DJ. LOL. Thank you for attending the band concerts and awards shows. Thank you for the movie nights and the dinners you cook for us.